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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982832">Bittersweet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fifthnameattempt/pseuds/Fifthnameattempt'>Fifthnameattempt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AKA 'Ino and Sai started hooking up way before the Shikamaru Hiden', Awkward Romance, Bad coping mechanisms, Canon Compliant, Casual Acquaintances to Kissing Friends to Lovers, F/M, Filling in the Canon Blanks, First Everything, First Kiss, Grief, Mainly Ino's POV, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The kids will eventually be alright, vignettes of two people slowly finding meaning in life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:27:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fifthnameattempt/pseuds/Fifthnameattempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts, like most things in life, unmiraculously.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the company... But why are you here exactly?”<br/>“You hate the closing shift on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because it is always ‘dead’, and when I passed by and saw you working through the window, I thought it would be friendly to stop in and make things more ‘alive’.”<br/>“Huh. Do you want to make out until I can close up the shop?”</p><p>Sai has hangups about physical intimacy. Ino has hangups about emotional intimacy. Nothing about this should work but as they gradually sand the edges off each other they find themselves in a relationship more meaningful than either was looking for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sai/Yamanaka Ino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Something Different</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The very first title of this work was "Sai and Ino kissin' and talkin'" so make of that what you will.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts, like most things in life, unmiraculously.</p>
<p>“You know, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the company,” Ino says at the end of an admittedly overdrawn account of her latest shift at the hospital, “But why are you here exactly?”</p>
<p>Sai, who has been drawing absently and listening intently at a stool by the register for over an hour, offers up a blank smile and says, “You recently told Sakura that you hate the closing shift on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because it is always ‘dead’, and when I passed by and saw you working through the window, I thought it would be friendly to stop in and make things more ‘alive’.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Ino says. “That’s…”</p>
<p><em>Sweet</em>. Is the first word that comes to mind. Maybe the sweetest thing anyone’s done for her in recent memory. Certainly, it’s the sweetest thing a <em>man</em> has ever done for her, recent or not. And it makes her feel pleasantly seen but also vulnerable as well as terrified. So, she tosses her hair, gives him a big, teasing wink, and drags the conversation into territory she’s more comfortable with. “I appreciate subtlety, but if you’re trying to get in my pants, you’re going have to work a little harder than that.”</p>
<p>Flirty is Ino’s default mode with most men and some women. It’s fun and harmless and safe. If the other person isn’t into it then, hey, she was only joking, you know? But if the other person <em>is</em> into it, then they can exchange a light round of mostly ironic teasing and everyone goes home feeling nice and not knowing anything about her personally. Flirting has never failed Ino.</p>
<p>Sai is not most men or even some women.</p>
<p>“That was not my intention, Miss Beautiful, but thank you for the advice.”</p>
<p> He says it simply and flatly and Ino is so struck by two realizations at once that she forgets to hide her blush at the innocuous nickname. The first realization is that Sai is probably the most attractive man she knows and it has as much to do with his unflinching honesty as it does with his dark eyes and flawless skin. The second is that he is the only man in the whole village who has genuinely never thought about having sex with her.</p>
<p>“Huh.” She says, glancing at the clock hanging from the wall behind his head. 7:32. She tilts her head at him, “Do you want to make out until I can close up the shop?”</p>
<p>Sai finally looks up from his drawing, visibly startled. “Sometimes Sakura asks me a question,” He says instead of answering, “And if I give an answer she doesn’t like, she hits me. Often quite hard.”</p>
<p>Ino giggles. She doesn’t need to imagine the sort of damage a pissed-off Sakura can do. But then she shakes her head, “This isn’t one of those questions. No wrong answers here, I promise.”</p>
<p>Still, he hesitates, “Why?”</p>
<p>“Because,” Ino shrugs, “I’ve got thirty minutes to kill and kissing is more fun than complaining about work. Though I’m happy to go back to complaining about work.”</p>
<p>She leaves out the crucial detail that his appeal is primarily his presumed disinterest in taking things further.</p>
<p>“I see.” Sai nods gravely, placing his brush on the table beside a faithful recreation of the Ichiraku awning. “In that case, I would like to make out with you very much.”</p>
<p>“Awesome!” Ino declares, clapping her hands together and leading the way to the back room. “By the way, I don’t recommend you try being this direct with other people. I’m proud of my reputation as a master of the casual encounter, but guys who randomly ask people to make out tend to come across as creepy assholes.”</p>
<p>She hops up onto a clear corner of one of the backroom worktables – very familiar make out territory – and guides him between her knees as he nods seriously and says, “Noted. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Any time.” She winks and leans into him, speaking quietly and letting their lips just barely brush with each word. She feels a satisfying shudder run through her body at the way his breath hitches from the tiny amount of contact. “Now, don’t mess up my clothes or my hair, but otherwise relax, have fun, and follow my lead.”</p>
<p>For his part, Sai is just glad that ‘making out’ apparently comes with such clear-cut rules. In books it always sort of happens without either party discussing things before hand, which confuses him because how do they <em>know </em>what’s alright to do. Unlike book protagonists, Ino takes things slow and she smells nice but not especially noteworthy, like potting soil and daisies, which is what she has just been handling out in the shop proper. He can't help but breathe it in because they are so very close together.</p>
<p>When she first puts her tongue in his mouth, he thinks that the sensation is odd but not quite unpleasant. Then she runs the tip of it across his hard palette and he feels the sensation throughout his body and that experience is <em>definitely</em> pleasant. When, a few moments later, he attempts the same thing in her mouth, she shivers and makes a pleased, promising sound in the back of her throat and he finds himself agreeing with her assessment that making out is a good way to pass time.</p>
<p>When the clock rolls over to 8 PM, she dutifully ushers him to the exit so she can finish her shift. He wonders if it would be presumptuous to ask if they can do it again sometime.</p>
<p>“You weren’t half bad by the end there.” She says, smiling her odd and too-wide smile at him, leaning casually against the frame of the door, half out and half in the shop. “Let me know if you ever wanna kill time together again, okay?”</p>
<p>Continually grateful and surprised by her frankness, Sai nods fervently, “I will. Thank you for this experience, Ino.”</p>
<p>She gives one of those quiet snorts that means he’s made some social error, but not an offensive one. Her smile is slightly more genuine when she tells him. “Anytime, Sai.”</p>
<p>They both dwell on that offer of <em>anytime</em> a lot in the subsequent week. When Sai shows up again the next Wednesday, he doesn’t bother getting out his sketch book and Ino doesn’t make a pretense about boredom or working. They just head to the back and start passing the time together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Unexpected</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ino and Sai kiss by a river and everything is going really great until it goes very wrong.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is as close to smutty as this story is ever gonna get so take that how you will. There's also some consent problems in this chapter because Ino isn't used to asking and Sai doesn't know how to pick up on nonverbal cues yet.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things with Sai are going surprisingly well, in Ino’s opinion. And not just in general, although he’d been nothing polite and respectful throughout their occasional encounters so far.</p><p>Things with Sai are going well <em>currently</em>. Their tongues are pretty impressively tangled and his hand is up her shirt. His thumb is tracing tiny circles on the soft skin just beneath her breast which is new and also very nice. The boy may have been complete novice a month ago, but he was more than making up for the lack of experience with diligence and carefully applied observation.</p><p>They’re lazing under the low-hanging branches of a willow tree beside a babbling stream not far outside the village gates. It’s the same spot where Ino had – happily and intentionally – lost her virginity to a nice, older boy who still gives her the employee discount at her second favorite tea shop whenever he rings her up. She’s taken Sai here three times already although they haven’t even had sex yet.</p><p>She is taking things with Sai slowly, which is new for her. It’s partially because Forehead had sat her down over dango and politely threatened her life if she rushed him. But it’s also partially because she’s not used to being the one who has to push things. Typically, Ino let her partners do the asking, so she could be the one giving and, by proxy, be the person in control of the situation.</p><p>But Sai seems totally content with just kissing and petting for as long as Ino will let him. Besides the obvious physical reactions, he hasn’t indicated that he wants anything else from her. She figures he either hasn’t thought about or doesn’t know how to ask for more. Her own libido is starting to get frustrated, but now that she’s on the other end of things, the prospect of initiating something new is surprisingly daunting.</p><p>Still, when he unexpectedly adds more pressure on the next circle, she finds herself arching into it with a gasp and thinks, <em>Fuck it. He deserves a reward for </em>that<em> even if he doesn’t know he’s supposed to ask for it.</em></p><p>She tugs him up and he follows without question until they’re both sitting upright and she can straddle his hips, her legs on either side of his. She keeps their mouths connected but pulls her body back just far enough to make space to fit one hand between them. He’s wearing his standard uniform (including the shirt she’d recently learned he crops and hems himself which is just <em>cute</em>), and she lets her nails drag just a little down the smooth muscles of his abdomen, grinning when he lets out a small, surprised sound against her lips.</p><p>She moves her mouth to his neck, slowly kissing there while making a bit of a show out of opening his fly. Leaving plenty of space for him to say no or redirect her. She doesn’t want to rush things, after all.</p><p>But she does <em>love</em> this, she recalls, when she’s finally got a hand around him and gets to work. She likes the feeling of a body under her own, the weird power and satisfaction she draws from knowing exactly how to get the reactions she wants. She’s not used to holding back, but she could get used to it if the long buildup made the final release feel so intense.</p><p>The unexpected extra layer of feelings takes a while to get used to and for the first few minutes of Sai’s first ever handjob, she’s pretty wrapped up in her own thoughts about the subject. Which is why is takes her so long to notice that something is obviously wrong.</p><p>The first sign she notices is the moan he lets out. It’s high and a throaty, right next to her ear. It’s also kind of hot which is why it probably draws her attention away from herself and reminds her there are two people in this scenario. He rolls his hips a little, in time with her motions, like a challenge. He’s egging her on. She almost buys it. Sliding her lips over his skin to suck a bruise into his pulse point.</p><p>But now that she’s paying attention to him and all his little reactions, he’s setting off all kinds of alarms.</p><p>By what she assumes is a combination of his nature and years of conditioning, Sai is almost invariably quiet. He’ll sigh and shiver if he particularly likes something she does but is otherwise pointedly silent. His hands, which usually roam her body with abandon as long as she hasn’t told him <em>no</em> to any particular areas that day, are being used instead to brace himself on the ground. Actually, hardly any part of him is touching her except where she’s touching him.</p><p>Sai can be awkward and blunt and occasionally abrasive. But he’s never <em>passive</em>. Constantly cataloging and learning, he’s always followed her first set of instructions to the letter. Particularly, <em>follow my lead</em>. He responded in kind to whatever she did, actively observing and then applying her own techniques on her later. He had never just laid back and taken what she offered.</p><p>Moving slowly so she doesn’t upset him further, Ino eases her hand out of his pants and rolls off of him completely. He lets out a final groan and a little whine as she does so and it’s fake as <em>shit</em> and she’s embarrassed she bought any of it in the first place. Settling down on her elbow with a few solid inches of space between them, she takes a breath to settle her own racing heart and then cuts to the chase</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing, Gorgeous.” He flashes the widest, fakest smile he’s given her yet. There’s almost a manic edge to it and she wonders if he’s lying to both of them in that moment. She pinches his cheek with a frown and then retreats again when he lets the smile drop.</p><p>“<em>Stop </em>that.” She orders, and she’s oddly relieved to see his face settling into a blank, neutral expression once more. “You just totally freaked out. What happened? Did you – do you not want me to touch you?”</p><p>“No!” He protests and even though his face stays neutral she thinks the response is a little too quick to be genuine. He picks up on her disbelief because he stews over his next words for a moment. “I <em>did</em> want that. It felt good.”</p><p>She rubs the crease between her eyebrows and scowls at him, “My clan founded the village’s Torture and Interrogation division.” She reminds him, “Please stop lying so badly at me. It’s an embarrassment to both our ranks.”</p><p>Making orders and pulling rank – the one part of identity he is absolutely certain of – seems to be the right move because he relaxes back against the grass half a fraction and says, “I thought I wanted it.”</p><p>“What do you think now?” She wants to find a balance between demanding and gentle, so that he answers honestly but doesn’t feel pressure to open up more than he wants. She settles on an aura of control and patience she’s not sure she actually has in the moment, but it seems to work.</p><p>“It was a natural progression of our physical relationship. I had actually been thinking for a while that I wanted a higher level of intimacy, but I was hesitant to try anything myself because of my relative lack of experience. I have been hoping that you would suggest doing so yourself.” It’s hard to tell when Sai begins rambling because it has the cadence of a person ticking off a list. The thoughts seem very organized and careful, but the fact that he hasn’t actually answered her question yet raises Ino’s suspicions.</p><p>“Sai,” She interrupts as patiently as she can, “You’re still talking about what you thought before I touched you. What do you think about it now?”</p><p>He frowns over her words for a long moment and she lets him, picking absently at the bruised grass between them. “…I believe that now I am embarrassed.”</p><p>“Embarrassed?” She repeats, fighting hard to keep horror out of her voice. “Why would you be embarrassed?”</p><p>“Because it was the logical progression. I expected it, even wanted it, but it still surprised me.” His voice is even in tone, but he lies back on the grass and stares up at the ceiling of leaves overhead, arms at his side and almost unnaturally still. “In the moment, the feelings were. They were too much.”</p><p>His eyes are soft and watery at the edges and her heart swells a little. She thinks she’s finally seeing what Sakura saw in him ages ago. Not someone to be pitied or coddled, but someone who needs to be nurtured. Someone who needs to be understood.</p><p>She shakes off her own thoughts when he finishes talking. “Okay,” She mutters, half to herself. She realizes she has to make an unusual decision. Call it off now and let him deal with whatever <em>this</em> is on his own or commit to helping him out. To her, the easy hookups were the best part of having a partner she usually ended things when partners started to want more from her than just good sex.</p><p>“Okay!” She repeats, louder, punching her fist into her open palm and grinning at him. “Surprising is an easy fix. From here on out, I swear I won’t do anything without telling you what to expect first and making sure you’re actually okay with it.” She gives into the urge to run her fingers through the shaggy ends of his hair, his hitai-ate long since abandoned on the ground, and frowns. “But I need you to tell me one thing.”</p><p>She pauses until he looks up to meet her gaze, a tiny bit of his usual curiosity returning to his eyes. “What is it?”</p><p>“Why didn’t you just tell me you were uncomfortable?” She asks. “Why did you…” She swallows around the unpleasant memory of what she had done and what she had <em>almost</em> done, “Why did you pretend to like it?”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t be normal.” Now that he’s accepted lying is off the table, his answers are painfully raw. “I thought if I could get through the first time, I would be able to analyze the experience and react more naturally another time. I didn’t want you to think I was not appreciative of the effort in case it meant you wouldn’t want to do it again.”</p><p>Now Ino is blinking hard against tears and wishes he was looking away again.</p><p>It’s not like she had to beat boys off with a stick, but she’d never really had to work for them either. She thinks about all the meaningless, physical encounters she’s taken for granted over the years and can’t imagine how lonely it must be to constantly wonder if that affection would be repeated or not. She can’t imagine wanting to ask people to stay and not knowing how.</p><p>Ino sighs, carefully tamping down her own reaction – like watching her cry right now would do him any good – and sits up, legs folded in front of her. He follows the movement until they are face to face again, the gentle wind catching and pulling at their hair. When he blinks, his eyelashes cast a shadow on his cheeks and she thinks it really is unfair for a boy to be so pretty.</p><p>“That is a problem.” She tells him, as serious in this moment as she has ever been in her life. “What we’re doesn’t work if I think you’ll let me hurt you, even by accident. Especially by accident. Sex, intimacy; it’s not a game of rewards and punishments, okay? If you say no one time, you can say yes later. Or yes and then no, but from now on we have to agree to talk about it. This only works if you swear on your honor as a shinobi, as a <em>man</em>, that you won’t ever do that again. You can freeze up or you can freak out, but you can’t lie to me about how you’re feeling.”</p><p>He hesitates. “What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?”</p><p>She smiles and takes both his hands in hers. “Then tell me <em>that</em> and we’ll figure it out together.”</p><p>He considers the proposition. Then he squeezes her hands in return, the ghost of a real smile on his lips. “In that case, I swear. I won’t lie to you ever again. And you – well, you’ll keep doing this? With me?”</p><p>“Yes. We can keep hanging out and kissing and finding even more fun ways to pass the time for as long as we both are into it.” She leans forward and places a very chaste kiss to the corner of his happy mouth. “Now, what do you want to do right now?”</p><p>A flicker of a frown returns and then he glances up at her, shy. “…I think I’m done with kissing for today.”</p><p>She nods and bites down a laugh. The mood is well and truly killed. “Me, too. Would you like to do something else?”</p><p>“Can we sit here a while longer?” He asks, a little less hesitant now that he knows she feels the same way. “Until I feel more… normal?”</p><p>“Of course.” She answers, letting go of his hands so she can lay down flat on the soft, slightly damp grass. “Is it okay if we keep holding hands?”</p><p>“Yes.” He answers, without hesitation. He lays down beside her. Their shoulders touch, slightly, and he interlocks their fingers again. The sun is just beginning to set, and the leaves overhead have gold around the edges. On the dirt path a few yards away, someone walks past, but they’re safe and hidden in this little pocket of afternoon.</p><p>They lay silently like that for a while. Soft, content, and watching the breeze make the branches sway overhead, scattering light across their faces. The little stream gurgles cheerfully in the background. Then Ino feels a mischievous grin overtake her face.</p><p>“Hey, Sai?” She nudges his shoulder with hers.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You wanna hear what Naruto did in the recovery room today?”</p><p>“Very much so.” Sai answers quickly. “But isn’t that a breach of doctor-patient confidentiality?”</p><p>“Only if someone tells on me.” She pouts playfully.</p><p>“I wouldn’t dare.” He answers, fingers tightening around hers like it’s a vow;</p><p>She tells him about Naruto and half a dozen other stories from her week. He tells her about the watercolor paints he bought just so he could try and capture the way light filters through the willow branches. They walk back home after the sun has set, just a few streaks of fading orange remaining in the sky. When Sai says goodnight, he presses a kiss to her temple instead of her lips and her heart skips a beat. Which, as a medical professional and a romantic realist, she didn’t think was possible.</p><p> </p><p>The next day she starts her hospital rounds, and everything is normal. Great, even. She still feels a little giddy from the evening before. And then…</p><p>“Pig!”</p><p>“Forehead?”</p><p>“I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THINGS SLOW!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Breakdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ino buried her father this morning and she's just trying to get through the day without completely losing it. Sai shows up at exactly the wrong moment with exactly the wrong thing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ino’s mother announces another visitor and Ino nods in acceptance without listening or getting up from her bed. There had been a steady stream of them since the funeral that morning. Friend after friend dropping by to check in on her. She’s pretty sure Sakura has people on rotation. A new visitor every 30-60 minutes with ten-minute breaks in between for her to pull herself together. It’s getting late now and Ino uncharitably wonders which of their shared friends has drawn the night shift.</p><p>“I know casseroles or flower arrangements are traditional, but I cannot cook and it felt odd to buy something from the shop.” Sai talks without preamble as always. He hovers in her doorway with a sprig of purple blooms clasped between his preternaturally pale hands.  She stares at the flowers even as he continues speaking. “I saw these on the walk over and they reminded me of you, because you are partial to the color purple. I thought they might cheer you up, but I didn’t want to take enough for a full bouquet since I didn’t know the owner. I hope you don’t mind just one stalk…”</p><p>It’s bush clover. He’s holding bush clover and Ino’s brain short circuits. There is one wall separating them from the room where her father used to sleep and Sai is offering her a single sprig of bush clover. She says the first thing that comes to mind.</p><p>“Get out.”</p><p>Her voice is rough and strange even in her own ear. If she could let her eyes lose focus, she could imagine it’s someone else speaking entirely.</p><p>“I’m sorry, beautiful, I didn’t mean to…”</p><p>“I said leave.” Ino commands again, her gaze laser focused on the curved petals in his hands despite her desire to look at anything else. “I don’t want any more visitors today.”</p><p>“Apologies, Ino-san.” He adds in an honorific he hasn’t used in weeks and bows low, “Your mother said it was alright to come up or I never would have…”</p><p>“When she said it was a friend, I assumed she meant a real friend.” Ino, sad and hurt and tired, doesn’t hesitate to chose words that will cut. “Not my latest hookup. I’m too tired to explain things to you right now. I want to be alone.”</p><p>He stutters apologies. Bows his way out of the room. Her world dulls and then narrows to the delicate blossoms, once held carefully and now clutched painfully in his hands. A single petal, purple as a fresh bruise, breaks off and falls to the floor. Almost in spite of herself, Ino’s gaze flickers up to his face.</p><p>Sai is distraught. After months together, she is familiar with all the ways he purposefully lays himself low to preserve delicate bonds after trespassing social norms he doesn’t understand or recognize. But she also knows all of his carefully hidden tells. The ones that mean he is just as upset as his partner. The ones he isn’t supposed to hide from her anymore, because she made him swear he never would.</p><p>By the time she’s taken this all in, he has dropped the stalk of flowers on her dresser and is ready to disappear entirely.</p><p>“Stop!” She’s making the hand signs in the same heartbeat that she becomes aware of her regret. She really doesn’t have the energy or capacity to explain her emotions right now. But that doesn’t mean he deserves her wrath, either.</p><p>Their minds connect and she gives him the smallest glimpse of the eddying, overwhelming tides of grief currently moving through her mind. She hates feeling so completely exposed, but it’s easier than having to put words to what she feels on top of having to apologize for her reflexive cruelty. For good measure, she digs deep into her well of painfully happy memories and offers him a glimpse of her father in the botanical gardens, showing her a new growth of bush clover and reminding her that it is what he expects from her as well: beauty, fortitude, and limitless growth.</p><p>Just touching the memory hurts, but Sai deserves to know why she lashed out so cruelly. He has to know his actions, well-intentioned to a fault, were not the cause.</p><p>Ino’s eyes are wet when she opens them again, her legs dangling awkwardly over the edge of the bed. She barely manages to whisper, “I’m sorry.” Before the tears overwhelm her again.</p><p>“Don’t apologize.” He voice is clear despite the way he clutches at the door frame to keep his balance, overwhelmed by the flood of her secondhand emotions. “I cannot imagine… I’m sorry I cannot help you.”</p><p>“You can. You <em>do</em>.” She says, despite the red surely rimming her eyes. “You’re here. You mean it. You could… I mean, I want you to… Please,” She finally chokes out between sobs, “Please just stay.”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything, but he closes the door as he steps into the room. A few moments later she’s lying across her mattress once again with a heavy quilt drawn over her shoulders, as she muffles her crying into a pillow. Warm weight settles beside her and she turns to press her damp cheek to his shoulder.</p><p>“I’m bad company tonight.” She warns him, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly she sees bright bursts of color under her eyelids. “This isn’t a fun way to pass time at all.”</p><p>“I’m often bad company.” He reminds her, pulling her into an easy embrace and gently tugging tangles out of the ends of her hair. “But you’ve stuck with me anyway. I’m happy to return the favor.”</p><p>After a long, quiet while, she manages to fall asleep, still pressed against his shoulder.</p><p>Ino wakes with the sun as it creeps into her window. Alone, but with a single stalk of bush clover pressed into her closed palm.  Her sheets smell like salt tears and calligraphy ink. She smiles her first genuine smile in days.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Moving Forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The end of the war changes nothing. They have to decide to change for themselves.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Set post-rescue from Gengo. A bit of connective tissue to get them from Friends+ to Actual Relationship.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I’d like to thank you if you’ll allow me.</em>
</p>
<p>Ino does not know what he means exactly or if he expects it to differ from what they have been doing on and off for the better part of two years whenever they weren’t in an active war zone. She doesn’t know why the offer makes her blush and pull back her shoulders, like the shy schoolgirl she never was. She doesn’t know what she wants from him, either, now that life is moving on and all her friends are growing up.</p>
<p>There are a lot of things she doesn’t know. But there are a few things she does.</p>
<p>She knows the darkest corners of this man’s mind. She has felt his depthless sorrow and acute insecurities. She has seen his limitless capacity for love.</p>
<p>She doesn’t know if she’s capable of that sort of love, not yet, but for him she think she will learn. She will find the well inside herself and pour him full of the unconditional love he deserves, even if she has to break down and rebuild herself in the process.</p>
<p>She has to believe that some things are worth the effort.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe a date?</em>
</p>
<p>Sai does not know what she means exactly, but he understands what the offer represents: A chance to prove himself worthy of this incredible woman who dove into the farthest reaches of his mind and pulled him out whole and living. The same woman who smelled like potting soil and kissed him for now reason; who touched him carefully and asked, ‘Is this okay?’</p>
<p>No, Sai does not know exactly what she means or why it makes her blush so deeply, but he knows that he will rise to the opportunity no matter what because he wants to love and be loved by this incredible woman more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.</p>
<p>He’s starting to understand and occasionally even believe that he deserves love just as much as everyone else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ino: Wow, me and Sai are dating now, isn't that crazy!?</p>
<p>Everyone else in her life: Haven't you guys been dating for like two years?</p>
<p>Ino: I hate it here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Looking Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sai helps Ino understand her own feelings which a new experience for them both.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He walks her home, after, and she wonders if he got that out of a book, before deciding she doesn’t care. It’s a beautiful summer evening. The sun is gone and it has taken the oppressive heat and humidity with it and the world breathes easily for a while. Their stomachs are full of good food, their minds with fond, recent memories. They don’t talk much but they don’t have to.</p>
<p>It’s no better and no worse than any other date Ino’s ever been on. But with Sai the date is the thing, not whatever comes after, and somehow that makes all the difference.</p>
<p>He takes her hand eventually. She lets him, even though they’re in the Yamanaka district now and her cousins and nosy neighbors will definitely see. She bumps their shoulders together as they walk and recognizes the scent of the detergent on his clothes. He probably uses too much of it, like every other man she knows.</p>
<p>It doesn’t dawn on her until they’re standing a step away from her door. He’s bathed in soft yellow from the light that illuminates the sign for the flower shop and all the harsh edges of his face are smoothed over. He’s leaning in slowly like he’s going to kiss her, and she thinks he’s the most beautiful man she’s ever seen.</p>
<p>He pulls back suddenly, expression strained by distress. Half of his face falls into shadow.</p>
<p>“Beautiful, have I upset you? I didn’t mean to. I’m very sorry.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re fine.” She promises, tugging his hand close to her chest before he can pull completely away. She wipes the now steadily flowing tears from her cheek with her free hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s stupid.”</p>
<p>“It cannot be stupid.” He says so seriously she wants to kiss him on the mouth for it. “It made you cry. Can you tell me?”</p>
<p>She presses a kiss to the back of his knuckles and then nods. She <em>can</em> tell him; she just needs a minute. He gives her time, patiently drawing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb while she thinks.</p>
<p>“I want to –“ She lets out a humorless laugh because the absurdity is not lost on her. “I <em>really</em> want to introduce you to my dad.”</p>
<p>She doesn’t tell him everything. She isn’t sure she could explain it in a way he would understand. But her mind lingers over the memories.</p>
<p>Sneaking out after her shifts at the flower shop. Meeting boys in out-of-the-way places around the village. The futile undeniable impulse to make sure her dad never knew a single thing about any person she ever dated. The whole exercise was pointless, of course, her dad was the head of T&amp;I. She never doubted he knew everything anyway, but it had been like a game they shared, just the two of them. He was always right there, circling her exploits and trying to keep her safe. She was always feinting away and pushing the boundaries as far as possible.</p>
<p>And now, she finally has a beautiful, blooming thing she wants to show him. She wants to accept the approval she knows in her heart he would give. And he isn’t there anymore.</p>
<p>“I’m not upset with you.” She reiterates first, not wanting to him to internalize this as something he did wrong when it’s just her own stupid brain playing tricks on her. “I was just thinking that he would have liked you, is all. He would have liked <em>us</em> and knowing that makes me happy. But it also makes me sad because he won’t ever see it.”</p>
<p>Sai moves slowly, coming to rest against the wall beside her. Their arms dangle between them, hands still intertwined while Ino cries silently into the night, mourning all the things her dad won’t get to see.</p>
<p>After a while, Sai says, “It’s bittersweet, isn’t it? I don’t usually like using flavors to describe emotions, but that’s the only word I can think of to convey the sensation of a thought that makes you happy and sad at the same time.” He hesitates just a little and she squeezes his hand to let him know he can continue. “I think I also feel this way sometimes.”</p>
<p>“About your brother?” She asks, curiosity peeking out from under her own grief.</p>
<p>Sai nods.</p>
<p>“He wanted this for me.” The gesture he makes encompasses both them and also something <em>larger</em>. The whole world, possibly. “But he had to sacrifice himself to give it to me. He never even knew what it was he gave me, really. And he’ll never know he succeeded. That makes me sad, sometimes. Even though without that sacrifice, I wouldn’t even be able to acknowledge our bond.”</p>
<p>Ino watches his face in silhouette as he stares up at the night sky like it might have the answers he needs, before she asks, “Do you think we’ll always feel this way?”</p>
<p>“It’s possible.” He nods thoughtfully. “But I don’t know if it’s a bad thing. The lingering sadness is a sign of the strength of those bonds. Our beloved people can still impact our lives, even in the absence of their physical presence. Almost like they live on through us, just a little.”</p>
<p>Tears well up in the corners of Ino’s eyes once again and she blinks them back. She wants to see him clearly.</p>
<p>“I think that’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.” She confesses, tightening her grip on his fingers and watching with delight as pink spreads across his cheekbones and touches the tips of his ears.</p>
<p>“Really? Did I make you feel better?” His eyes turn to her, wide and so full of hope she can’t stop a similar blush from spreading over her face. She nods once, smiling despite the tears. “Would it also help you to know that when Sakura cries, she looks very ugly, but your face and complexion are still aesthetically pleasing?”</p>
<p>Ino laughs. It’s a short burst of surprise at first and then she finds she cannot stop laughing. Like the crying, it seems to be out of her control. When her breathing is finally manageable once again, she says, “Yes, Sai, it makes me feel <em>much</em> better to know that Sakura is an ugly crier.”</p>
<p>He’s smiling, pleased with himself, and so very cute that she can’t help pressing a small kiss to his cheek before catching herself. “Oh, my gosh! The walk – and, you were going to kiss me and – oh, it was a perfect first date and I ruined it with all my stupid feelings!”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.” He says simply, free hand lingering where she’d kissed him. “It just means I’ll have to try again.”</p>
<p>“A second date?” She asks, feigning shock. “You’d take me out again, even after all this drama?”</p>
<p>“I’d take you out again <em>because</em> of the drama.” He says like it’s the most reasonable thing in the world. “I wouldn’t change a thing about tonight even if I could.”</p>
<p>So, she kisses him properly. Because sometimes, despite everything, they deserve a life that is that simple.</p>
<p>It doesn’t taste bittersweet at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Before I had decided I was going to start publishing my writing again, I wrote this vignette in an old notebook while drinking coffee on my porch. The original title was 'Ino has a Feeling'.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Exposed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sai has childhood traumas repressed deep in his psyche, hundreds of little landmines waiting to go off at the slightest pressure. Ino stumbles onto one.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happens after. When the sweat is cooling on their skin and their bodies are tangled together. Sai had already gotten up, lips and chin shiny, and run water in the bathroom long enough to wash his face and bring a glass of water out to her. Ino’s still just catching her breath when she playfully asks, “Do you do that for all the girls?”</p>
<p>He knows her well enough by now to tell this is a joke.</p>
<p>“I have never performed oral sex on a person of any gender before.” He deadpans anyway. It’s just dry enough for her to know he is also joking and she giggles as she presses soft kisses against his collar bone. They lay together for a while before he says, quietly and contemplatively, “You have given blow jobs before.”</p>
<p>She nods before answering. She doesn’t really fear judgement from him; they’ve been doing this for too long. But she thinks carefully about how she wants to respond to his not-question. “Guys really like it, usually, and I don’t mind, so I’ve gotten pretty good over the years. Does that bother you?”</p>
<p>“Bother?” He repeats. He repeats her words a lot, but especially when they are used to describe a specific feeling. He takes feelings very seriously. After a short pause, he answers, “No. I think it might be a typical male response to express jealousy, but I don’t think it would be worth the effort. I am glad you are a confident partner and that you’re with me, now?”</p>
<p>She smiles when she kisses his mouth. It’s a long, slow kiss, undistracted now that they’ve gotten the sex out of the way and it’s too soon to go again. This has always been Ino’s favorite part of the whole business; having someone’s completely undivided attention on her and she luxuriates in it for a while.</p>
<p>She’s tempted to fall straight to sleep when a thought crosses her mind. She pulls back just far enough to see his face when she voices it. “Sai, am I the only person you’ve ever kissed?”</p>
<p>She knows she was his first kiss, but they certainly weren’t exclusive when things started out, and she’d spent as much time making out with him as she had explaining how to pick up other people. She’d almost be disappointed to find out he never used her advice on anyone else. On the other hand, she finds it unexpectedly endearing to think that she might be his only partner.</p>
<p>She carefully doesn’t follow that train of thought to its end and instead focuses on his answer.</p>
<p>“You are…” He starts to say and, because she knows what to pay attention to now, she watches as his smile freezes in place and his body tenses against hers. All the warmth and softness of the moment bleeds away as a wall of strategic neutrality builds up in his mind and body. “I have – I don’t. Hm.”</p>
<p>He makes that soft humming sound that means he doesn’t know what he’s feeling, but he makes no more effort to put words to it.</p>
<p>With her heart pounding in her chest, Ino untangles their limbs and slides to the very edge of the bed, so there’s several inches of space between them. Wordlessly, he turns until his back is flat on the mattress, hands folded across his exposed stomach. They haven’t had a moment like this since they started officially dating. A small, selfish part of her had hoped it was over now. She wants to be sick, but he needs her to be present, so she pushes down her own feelings and focuses on him again.</p>
<p>“Sai?” She asks, propping herself up on her elbow so she can watch his face. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Nothing, Beautiful.” He grabs her hand like it’s a reflex he doesn’t quite remember how to do correctly. Instead of twining their fingers together, he just holds it over his steadily beating heart with both hands. She watches him try to force his shoulders and neck to relax, the movements practiced and almost clinical. It doesn’t work.</p>
<p>She can’t cry about this, not now. It would only make him try harder to convince her he’s alright. She bites the inside of her lip, steadies her breathing, and waits.</p>
<p>“I’m very attractive, you know.” He says after a long silence. His eyes are glassy and unfocused, staring up at the ceiling. Despite everything, she feels a ghost of a smile on her lips when she nods.</p>
<p>“Yes, I know.” She tells him.</p>
<p>“I’ve always had this body.” He continues as if she hasn’t spoken. “And there was a time in my early adolescence when I was considered very attractive to a certain type of person.”</p>
<p>Comprehension breaks over her like sheets of rain on the other side of a pane of glass. She knows what it looks like and what it would feel like if she let herself step out into it, but she’s also certain that doing so would break her. All the people who hurt him are dead and disgraced now. There can be no justice and no catharsis. Her rage is impotent, but it still courses through her veins like a living thing.</p>
<p>Swallowing heavily, she asks a selfish question, “Can I hold you?”</p>
<p>“I’d prefer that you didn’t.” He says quickly, flinching like she’d made to strike him and letting go of her hand. Shame burns on her face and she pulls her hand away, giving him yet more space. Then his breath hitches softly and he frowns. Gesturing to the fringe of hair still sweat-stuck to his forehead and temples, he says, “That is – would you mind…”</p>
<p>“Of course.” It’s possible he’s only asking for her benefit because he knows she wants to comfort him. But she’s selfish and she runs her fingers through his soft hair and scratches lightly at his scalp without hesitation. His breathing evens out again and he relaxes half a fraction into her touch. After a few moments, his eyes fall shut and he continues.</p>
<p>“It was only useful on a handful of missions and I was well-trained beforehand.” He tells her like it’s a comfort instead of just another horror. “I knew what to expect and how to react. Usually, I just had to get the target alone and then I could complete the mission without using the additional training. In fact, I can only recall one time that it was even necessary to – to ki…” He chokes on the word and then shakes his head. “I only had to do it once and then never again.”</p>
<p>Ino’s rage seethes, sinking deep into her bones and making permanent marks there. She can’t find a response, so she focuses all her energy on the small points of contact between them and just breathes. After a while, his eyes blink open and he turns his head slightly towards her, “I didn’t even remember the last mission until just now, isn’t that strange?”</p>
<p>She wants to <em>scream</em>. She wants to tell him that it isn’t strange at all that his young brain repressed a trauma like that. She wants to cry and apologize for making him remember. She wants to find the body of the man who had kissed Sai before he even knew what that meant and then she wanted to burn it to nothing. She wants a lot of things.</p>
<p>Making a show of gently working a tangle out of his hair, she speaks as evenly as possible when she says, “You know that it was wrong for your superiors to put you in that position, don’t you? It was <em>wrong</em>.”</p>
<p>“Wrong?” He repeats with a frown. “Maybe. But it didn’t seem different from all the other things I was doing at the time. At least I’m fine now, right?”</p>
<p>She’s bitten her cheek so hard there’s blood in her mouth. People who are <em>fine</em> don’t have childhood memories sitting deep in their psyches like mines waiting to go off at the slightest touch. She almost tells him just how <em>not fine</em> she’s afraid he is.</p>
<p>But that’s not what he needs right now, so she swallows the taste of copper, smiles and nods. “Yeah, Sai, you’re doing alright.”</p>
<p>It’s quiet after that. His eyes fall closed and she watches him breathe and tries to figure out why this person so full of raw nerves and vulnerability has given <em>her</em> the ability to see him, help him, but also hurt him utterly.  She wonders if she’s fucking him up and then feels guilty for giving herself so much credit.</p>
<p>Beside her, Sai relaxes fraction by fraction, until he once again resembles a human person and not a porcelain soldier. Eventually, his eyes open again, and he watches her face softly for a long moment. “Will you stay here tonight?”</p>
<p>He doesn’t try to mask the insecurity that lies at the heart of that question. They’ve shared a bed dozens of times before this. He wants to know if she’s going to leave him because he’s too broken. She tries not to show her fear at the vulnerability and nods, “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Relief lightens his expression and she smiles at the sight. He turns onto his side so they’re face to face once again and barely hesitates before asking, “Can we go back to cuddling? I think I’d like that now if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.” She says, quick to push herself into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him protectively and sliding their legs together. One hand settles on her hip, the other on her face, and he stares at her like she’s something precious. She kisses the underside of his jaw just because she can, and says, “I never mind this.”</p>
<p>He pulls a blanket over their bodies and falls asleep shortly after, exhausted. Ino stays up much longer, listening to the steady beat of his heart and wondering what to do next.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter is what started it all! My roommate and I had been talking about therapy how weird it is when your siblings remember shit that went down when you were kids that you've unconsciously repressed and way later, I was struck with the very particular image of Ino asking Sai a fairly innocuous question and watching as his conditioned repression wars with a full-on panic attack. I wrote out the first draft of that scene and boom, now we're here. Man, I've got way more feelings about Naruto as an adult than I ever had when I watched it as a kid.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Perspectives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some outside perspectives on Sai and Ino's relationship.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yo, Pig, did the training dummies insult your stupid hair?”</p>
<p>Sakura is exhausted. She’s coming off a twenty-four-hour hospital shift from hell that had refused to end. At one point she’d gotten out of her scrubs, packed up her bag, and then a more junior surgeon had a problem with a routine procedure and she’d been dragged back in before even getting out the door. By the time they’d found the problem and sewn the patient back together, she was pushing twenty-<em>eight</em> hours. She’d managed four hours of sleep in bed, plus fifteen minutes asleep while standing in the shower, and dragged herself to her and Ino’s usual meeting place only ten minutes after the usual time which, if she was being asked, she considered quite the accomplishment.</p>
<p>But it’s not a stretch to say she isn’t operating at her best and she definitely isn’t filtering the usual litany of childhood insults from her speech, but she’s still surprised by the rage visited upon her by a whirl of swinging fists, golden blond hair, and long purple skirts.</p>
<p>“If you could,” <em>smash</em>, a wooden dummy shatters, “Manage to not be a <em>giant bitch</em>,” <em>bang</em>, another one cracks in half, “For once in your <em>life</em>,”  <em>crack</em>, Ino punches the ground and it doesn’t exactly crater, but it certainly <em>buckles </em>underfoot, “I’d really <em>fucking</em> appreciate it.”</p>
<p>A year ago, Sakura would have risen to the challenge. She would have spat back another insult and they would have passed a nice morning snarling and throwing punches at each other. Then they would have gotten a late lunch together and caught up on village gossip. Today, though, Sakura is tired and <em>mature</em>, and she raises her hands in mock surrender, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry and I’m standing down, okay? What’s your fucking problem?”</p>
<p>Okay, she’s not <em>completely</em> mature just yet.</p>
<p>Ino flounders for a moment, her raised fists suddenly pointless. And then she flops down onto the ground in the center of the field and says, “<em>Nothing!</em>”</p>
<p><em>Oh, shit.</em> Sakura thinks, hurrying to her friend’s side. There’s no problem or complication Ino had met that she wasn’t thrilled to be able to complain about. Her father’s funeral had been bad, but even then she’d managed to work up some thorough bitching about the quality of the various casseroles left at her house. If Ino had a problem she didn’t want to talk about, it was <em>serious</em>.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Sakura says, sitting in the dirt and poking her best friend’s cheek lightly. “Hey, Ino, talk to me. Please. What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>Ino sighs, slowly tracking a cloud cross the sky like her reformed laze of a teammate had taught her. After a long beat, she admits, “It’s <em>Sai</em>.”</p>
<p>“Sai?” Sakura repeats, a heavy weight dropping into her stomach. “I thought that was going well.”</p>
<p>“It was – it is! It’s just…” Ino throws her arms out in despair, “I don’t know what I’m <em>doing,</em> and I’m terrified I’m messing it up.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Sakura says, letting out a quiet, but deeply relieved breath. She could deal with Ino’s persistent emotional constipation, but she had no idea what she would do if two of her closest friends had a serious falling out. Sakura leans back on her hands, legs crossed in front of her. “I’m sure you’re doing fine. It’s not like Sai has anything to compare it to.”</p>
<p>“But that’s the problem!” Ino moans, “He has a <em>lot</em> to compare it to, but none of it is good and he has no idea!”</p>
<p>A frown forms on Sakura’s face as she tries to puzzle out Ino’s meaning and fails. “Huh?”</p>
<p>Ino sits up, a similar frown on her own face, and tugs her hair over her shoulder to work dirt and grass out of her ponytail with a long, perfectly manicured fingernail. Sakura can practically see the gears in Ino’s head grinding as she tries to figure out how to explain without revealing too much. “We were together, and we were… trying some new techniques and everything was going really great, you know?”</p>
<p>“Techniques?” Sakura frowns in confusion. “But he’s terrible at genjutsu and you can’t draw so what techniques were you two…”</p>
<p>“Oh my <em>god</em>, Forehead, we went down on each other!” Ino swats at her shoulder, scowling as she blushes. “You’re such a virgin how are we even friends?”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Pig!” Sakura snaps defensively, “Some of us were busy learning to be the greatest medical ninjas of their generation while you were out slutting it up with civilian randos.”</p>
<p>She does not mention that Ino was still the <em>second</em> greatest medical ninja of their generation (and a rising star of the barrier and seals team… <em>and</em> the presumed future head of T&amp;I) while still managing a lively love/sex life. The blonde hardly needs the confidence boost.</p>
<p>Ino, the stupid pig, smiles fondly and lets out an exaggerated sigh, “Those <em>were</em> the days…”</p>
<p>“Stop dodging the question.” Sakura swats her shoulder back, “Two of my best friends were doing the nasty and one of them had a bad time. Big <em>whoop</em>; it’s not like it hasn’t happened before and I didn’t want to know about it <em>then</em> either.”</p>
<p>“But that’s the thing!” Ino protests, waving her hands in the air. “No one had a bad time! It was… great, even! Stop making that face; it was completely different from the other time. We communicated clearly before, we checked in regularly. All the stuff we’ve been working on. But then <em>after</em>, when we were just chilling out and talking, I asked one, <em>perfectly innocuous</em> question and he totally froze up. He had an honest to god panic attack and I didn’t know what to <em>do</em>. I care about him so goddamn much, but I keep hurting him by accident; it’s awful! Sometimes, I think… I think it would be better if I didn’t mix up his problems and mine. If I just let him go.”</p>
<p>There are tears building up in the corners of Ino’s eyes and the girl fights hard to keep them at bay. Sakura stares down at her friend in wonder and awe. She’s listened to Ino complain about a lot of partners over the years for things she wouldn’t even have <em>noticed</em>. But Ino has never considered leaving someone because it’s in <em>their</em> best interest.</p>
<p>It would be incredibly sweet and moving if it weren’t also the stupidest thing Sakura has ever heard.</p>
<p>“I’ve called you a lot of dumb names over the years, but I’ve never called you a coward.” Sakura notes blandly and ignores the way Ino glares daggers at her. “Oh, come <em>on</em>, things get hard for the first time two <em>years</em> into a relationship and you want to bail? Grow a pair, Ino.”</p>
<p>“I’d grow <em>two</em> if it would help, Forehead, but you don’t get it!” Ino snaps and a tear manages to escape down her right cheek. “It’s not about one awkward moment. He’s got all these… these <em>memories</em> locked up in his brain and I keep breaking them open on accident. If I just had to sit with him and help him through it, that would be okay. But knowing I caused it? I can’t stand it, Sakura, I really can’t! I want to help him, but I don’t know how and what’s worse is that I don’t know how to even talk to him about it without making him feel like it’s his fault.”</p>
<p>Ino’s fully crying now, a phenomenon Sakura has rarely seen. And she’s crying over a <em>boy</em> which was previously unthinkable. Sakura picks a wisp in the sky and watches it build into a proper cumulous cloud as it crosses over head before speaking again.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you should have to.” Sakura finally admits after her drawn-out silence.</p>
<p>Ino sits up, surprise warring with trepidation on her face. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I’m his doctor.” Sakura explains and is surprised to find tears building in her own eyes. “But I’m also his friend. I guess I sort of thought I was doing enough, you know?”</p>
<p>Ino shakes her head in confusion and Sakura sighs. “I’ve been arrogant, okay? I’ve been helping Tsunade build a proper counselling department and referring shinobi to it left and right. But Sai is my friend and I thought if he needed something, he would ask me, or I would know him well enough to be able to see it.”</p>
<p>The admission weighs heavily on her, but she feels the need to look Ino in the eye as she admits to her personal blind spots, “But obviously I was wrong. He needs us, as his friend and his partner, to support him. But he also needs someone to push him to confront the all the unpleasantness his brain has buried over the years. And I don’t think either of us is equipped to do that.”</p>
<p>Ino, surprisingly calm now that someone else is willing to share the burden of another person’s emotional wellbeing, leans their shoulders together and asks, “So, what do we do?”</p>
<p>“<em>We</em> don’t do anything.” Sakura says, letting her head rest on top of Ino’s. “I’m his primary physician. He has a physical at the end of the month and he won’t dodge it like Kakashi or forget about it like Naruto. I’ll bring up counselling then. If you want, I’ll say you think it’s a good idea, too, but I don’t want him to think we’re sitting around analyzing his mental health when he’s not around. It breeds paranoia in shinobi like you wouldn’t believe. Kakashi-sensei tried to <em>change physicians</em> when he saw me and Shikamaru chatting outside the mission room last week.”</p>
<p>Ino stifles a laugh and then nods, “I don’t want him to think I’m spilling all his secrets or anything, but I think it would help if he knows a couple of people have noticed his problems.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Sakura nods then and they separate. “It’s a plan. We’ll get Sai the help he needs, and you can stop breaking community training equipment.”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t act so smug, Forehead.” Ino pushes her away harshly, but they’re both laughing. “I’ve seen the forests you can level when you’re trying to work out your aggression issues, this is a <em>fraction</em> of that.”</p>
<p>“Damn right it is.” Sakura says, happy to be both smug and proud, “Now, let’s get pancakes and you can tell when, exactly, you fell so deeply in love with my weirdest, rudest, sweetest, most akward teammate.”</p>
<p>Sakura dodges half-hearted attacks all the way into town, but it’s worth it, she thinks, to see her best friend taking her romantic bonds so seriously. She’d been worried when they first started seeing each other, knowing Ino’s tendency to love and then leave when things got hard. But they seem to be balancing each other out and softening each other’s edges. She wants it to work out, for both their sakes.</p>
<p>And her own. God save her if she has to pick between her oldest best friend and her newest one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There is a new ANBU in the Rokudaime’s regular attaché. Kakashi knows their name, their rank, and their mission history but not <em>them</em> and he’s curious to find out more. Plus, a day spent avoiding his paperwork and leading his guard in a merry chase around the village was a day well spent whatever Shikamaru claimed. It kept his <em>reputation</em> intact, which was at least as important as his signature. Or he’d like it to be.</p>
<p>The day, like many days before it, ends at the Ichiraku Ramen stand. Only half the team is present, but Kakashi doesn’t mind. Less crosstalk means it’s easier to focus on his book.</p>
<p>To his right, Naruto complains loudly about the difficulties of throwing a <em>modern</em> wedding with an old-school clan involved in the planning of things, while Sai practices his very best active listening face. It takes a lot of pressure off Kakashi, and he’s half-considering adding the young man to his diplomatic attaché for that skill alone.</p>
<p>“And, geez, the way people go on about the <em>wedding night</em>, you’d think we were the first people to ever, you know, <em>do </em>it.” Naruto’s complaining and Kakashi is ready to fully lose himself in the next chapter of his book when Sai responds.</p>
<p>“I understand completely. Ino and I have been seeing each other for several years now and we have only recently begun to perform oral sex on one another.”</p>
<p>Kakashi absolutely does <em>not</em> want to think about his subordinate and his other subordinate’s best friend in that way, but he knows Naruto’s reaction is sure to be one for the ages, so he switches his attention from ink on paper to the people beside him.</p>
<p>“I – you – ugh, Sai, don’t talk about that stuff when I’ve just finished eating! I’m going to be sick you crazy perv!”</p>
<p>“But if you’re meant to copulate on your wedding night, surely you have… oh, no, I see now.” Sai’s face is suspiciously blank even though Kakashi’s only watching through the farthest edge of his peripheral vision. “You are still a complete virgin. How awkward.”</p>
<p>“That is <em>rude conversation,</em> Sai!” Naruto squawks, standing so abruptly his chair falls over backwards. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that Teuchi-san. I’ll see you all at the wedding, dattebayo!”</p>
<p>Naruto drops his payment on the counter and leaves in a huff. There’s a small pop of displaced air as he runs away and everything.</p>
<p>Kakashi makes a show of tucking his book away to hide the shaking of his shoulders and watches his most recent teammate come close to smirking as he finishes his bowl of ramen. It’s quite the display from someone who claimed to not experience emotion when they first met.</p>
<p>“You know,” Kakashi observes after he finishes off his own bowl. “I can hardly tell when you do that on purpose from when you do that on accident these days.”</p>
<p>“Do what?” Sai asks, gathering coins from his wallet to pay the ever-faithful ramen stand owner.</p>
<p>“Piss people off.” Kakashi smiles with his eyes as he says this, and Sai fairly grins back.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad to hear that.” He admits, then shrugs ruefully, “Although Naruto is a particularly easy target. I still err more often than I’d like in unfamiliar company.”</p>
<p>There’s an unusual amount of vulnerability laced into the admission and Kakashi takes his time considering it as they pay their respective bills and walk out into the cooling evening. He knows Sai the least of all his former teammates, but the leaps and bounds he’s made in the short years they’ve known each other makes it easy to forget he started from the greatest disadvantage.</p>
<p>There were no chakra-sealed parent souls waiting to be unleashed and tell Sai he was once loved and wanted. No loving memories of extended family and strict expectation to give him direction. Whatever progress he made was based largely on bonds Sai was able to form for himself as an adult.</p>
<p>The boy seems only a little surprised when Kakashi ambles down the road with him. And he doesn’t show any shock when he starts talking, all to his credit. “So, how are things with the Yamanaka girl going?”</p>
<p>“Ino is wonderful.” Sai answers almost immediately. “She has been very patient with regard to my inexperience and I’m quite certain I love her. Romantically.”</p>
<p>“Mah, that’s nice.” Kakashi says, tucking his hands into his pockets and looking at the stars to distract himself from cursing out Danzo and his absolutely batshit insane ideas of how to build a functioning shinobi. “But how is the relationship <em>going</em>? Do you have a fixed idea of what you want from it? Does she? Inter-shinobi relationships can be quite difficult.”</p>
<p>“When I first started seeing her,” Sai says quietly, “Things were quite nebulous, and I was hesitant to push for more than she was willing to offer. We had problems communicating. Since then we have gotten much better at establishing boundaries and expressing our needs and desires with one another. But sometimes…”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Kakashi asks when Sai falls silent. “Sometimes what?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes I worry I am a burden.” Sai admits softly. “I often react outside the norm to perfectly ordinary situations and I am concerned that will eventually put too much strain on her and our relationship will dissolve under the burden.”</p>
<p>It was easy to forget how incredible the strides Sai had made were. <em>Sai</em> made it easy to forget how incredible were the strides he had made because he was worried being a burden would make anyone he bonded with abandon him. Sai had never been a genin, but Kakashi ruffles his hair like he is one anyway and says, “Have you told Ino about your worries?”</p>
<p>Sai doesn’t flinch from the contact which is the biggest tell that he was never a proper genin. “Of course not.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Well, you ought to.” Kakashi tells him, pulling a book from one of his many pockets. “Hiding an insecurity that deep can only breed mistrust. And besides, Ino’s a Yamanaka. They live for this kind of thing. If Ino’s afraid of a little insecurity, she doesn’t deserve her place on the torture and interrogation squad.”</p>
<p>Sai contemplates this information, the nods seriously, “Thank you, Kakashi-sama, I am grateful for your advice.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it.” Kakashi shrugs, then feels a niggle of chakra presence in his awareness and prepares a body switch jutsu, “Unfortunately, I have to go now. Promise me you’ll talk to Ino sooner than later, okay?”</p>
<p>“Heron-san is a very good chakra sensor to have found you so quickly.” Sai acknowledges, bowing slightly. Kakashi files away the fact that Sai somehow knows code names and signatures of his personal guards for later. “You should promote her. Good night, Captain.”</p>
<p>Kakashi disappears a heartbeat later. Sai continues walking down the street, unconcerned by his apparent abandonment. Kakashi-sama wanted to know about his relationships! He must be doing something right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sharing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All Ino has to do is invite Sai to team dinner on Friday. That's not a big deal, right? Right!?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, there’s this thing.” Ino begins as if they are in the midst of a conversation. She’s rearranged the geraniums four times in the last thirty minutes, so she knows he knows she’s working up to something and she doesn’t feel like inching a proper conversation along for the amount of time it would take to get where she needs them to be. She may as well just spit it out.</p><p>“The <em>thing</em> is – it’s barbeque on Friday night.” She pulls back at the last second and curses herself for it.</p><p>Sai nods and graciously keeps his gaze on his sketchbook so she can pretend he doesn’t see her fidgeting with her hem. “Of course; it’s a weekly bonding ritual with your team. Those sorts of things are very important.”</p><p>“Right! Sort of.” She tugs a loose thread until it pops free and then continues. “This Friday is going to be a little different, though.”</p><p>“Oh?” Sai looks up now, always curious about deviations from the norm. “How so?”</p><p>“It’s Shikamaru’s fault!” She deflects, pacing the short distance between the counter and the geranium display as she talks. “He asked if he could bring Temari to barbeque and I said ‘Sure, if I can bring Sai’, but then he said that was ‘<em>fine’</em> and Choji said it was ‘<em>about time’</em> and I said ‘<em>okay</em>, I’ll bring him then!’ and now, well, they expect you to come to barbeque on Friday and so we’re… here.”</p><p>She ends with a whimper and it takes Sai a moment to realize she’s finished telling her story.</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>“You don’t have to!” She jumps in quickly, “Only come if <em>you</em> want to.”</p><p>“Ino,” He picks his response carefully, sensing they are approaching a sensitive social custom he doesn’t fully understand. “I have shared meals – barbeque, even – with your teammates many times before. I like them and I am free on Friday. Why would I not want to go?”</p><p>“Because you’d be going as my <em>boyfriend!</em>” Ino exclaims, slapping her hand over her eyes as if that could shield her from the awkwardness. “It will be different now. The boys will give you a hard time and Temari will be there and she won’t <em>get</em> it because she never tries to and everything will be weird and awful because it won’t just be the two of us anymore and if you don’t want to deal with that, then I would totally understand!”</p><p>“Do you not want me to go?” The words are hollow and quiet in a way she hasn’t heard in over a year. His pen is down and he’s watching her carefully. “Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”</p><p> Ino’s eyes snap open and she steps forward to cradle his head in her hands, pulling his distant gaze back to her.</p><p>“No.” She promises solemnly, then presses their foreheads together and repeats it for good measure. “No. It’s not that. It’s just… this is hard for me.” She admits, pulling back so she can watch his eyes watch her. “I’ve never… shared my relationships with other people, especially not people so close to me. But I want to share <em>this</em> with people, and it scares me.”</p><p>“Why?” He asks, voice still low but weighted once again. His eyes track the micro expressions on her face. “Why wouldn’t you want to share us with the world?”</p><p>“Because when more people are involved, more people can get hurt when a relationship ends.” Ino says, each word a knife to her own heart. “It’s bad enough Sakura’s so close to both of us… If we hurt each other in the end, involving more people will only hurt us both.”</p><p>His eyes flicker up to hers curiously, “Are you going to hurt me, Ino Yamanaka?”</p><p>“No!” The answer is almost primal, the thought beyond belief. She takes both his hands in hers and says before thinking, “I could never hurt you. I love you!”</p><p>She freezes. Blinks. Flushes pinker than a cherry blossom and jumps away, “I – no, I mean – that’s not what I…”</p><p>“You love me.” Sai repeats, eyes practically sparkling as he refuses to let go of her hands. “You <em>love</em> me!”</p><p>“No – I mean, <em>yes</em>, but I wasn’t trying to, like, confess or anything!” She tries to back away, tries to hide her face or at least her expression, but Sai’s grin is infectious, and he keeps on holding her hands.</p><p>“You love me!” he repeats a third time, “Sakura said you did, but she also said that if I confessed too soon it would scare you off; I’ve been waiting until it seemed like our relationship was more secure to say it.”</p><p>“That stupid forehead always thinks she knows everything, the little – wait!” Ino pauses her instinctive tirade as his words process in her brain. The pink flush of her cheeks turns into an embarrassing, tomato-red blush. “<em>You</em> love <em>me</em>?”</p><p>“Yes.” He nods without hesitation.</p><p>“Since when!?” She demands.</p><p>“You cried on our first date.” He says like it’s an explanation. “I suspected my feelings for you were deep before then, of course, but that is when I knew for certain.”</p><p>“Why?” She asks, a little breathless, and she wishes she could stop asking question and just be happy like a normal person.</p><p>The look he gives her in return is level, “Why do you love me?”</p><p>A question for a question is fair, she has to admit. Ino swallows her rising terror and tries to come up with an answer that feels honest besides the instinctive “just because”.</p><p>“You’re… careful.” She tells him. “You say what you mean and you’re always trying to be better. Trying so much harder than anyone else I know when you have every excuse not to. You make <em>me</em> want to be better, more patient and careful. No one’s ever made me feel that way before and still managed to make me like them afterwards.”</p><p>“Oh,” He say, face falling a little. “I had hoped it was because of my looks.”</p><p>“You…” She startles, a choking sound interrupting her response. She frees a hand to poke his chest in accusation, “Was that a <em>joke!?</em>”</p><p>“Yes.” He smiles, eminently pleased with himself. “Was it funny?”</p><p>His face is so bright, happy, and filled with a smugness he certainly hadn’t earned that Ino can’t help but fall to pieces laughing.</p><p>“Yes, Sai,” She tells him eventually, “That was very funny.”</p><p>She steps into his space to softly kiss him, overwhelmed with her fondness. She pulls to quietly admit, “I’ve never loved someone before. I might be bad at it.”</p><p>“It’s my first time, too.” He tells her cheerfully, pressing a kiss to the crease between her eyes. “We’ll both probably be bad at it, so we should get used to forgiving each other now and save ourselves the headache.”</p><p>“That sounds nice.” She answers. Then, she takes a half step back, squeezes his hands tightly, and says, “Sai, would you like to join my team for barbeque on Friday? I want to introduce you to them properly, as my boyfriend.”</p><p>He beams, “I would like that very much. Thank you, Ino.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sai has yet another near-death experience and realizes he wants to live. Ino realizes she is glad he wants to it with her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ino just fallen asleep when two firm, but polite knocks land on her bedroom window. Her face is scrubbed free of makeup. Her hair is a loose, tangled mess down her back. She’s wearing a ratty old t-shirt and no pants. She lets him in without hesitation anyway.</p><p>Sai has just gotten back from a mission which – if the freshly-healed, too-pink skin down his side is any indication – had gone badly. She presses a kiss to the still-forming scar, and he lets out a low groan before unzipping his shirt and tossing it away. He kisses her deeply and they fall back on her bed without any more words needed for a long while.</p><p>Ino manages to override the urge to push him away and demand to know what happened – it was an ANBU assignment and she knows he can’t tell her – and for a while everything is good. Their version of normal, in fact. She just returns his kisses, his heated touches, and decides she is glad he initiated contact after close to two weeks apart.</p><p>There isn’t even much groping and after a few minutes she decides she doesn’t mind. It’s a bit like the first time she’d led him into the backroom of the flower shop. All teeth and tongues and quiet gasps. Except now he deftly pulls her shirt off and starts caressing her breasts with much more abandon than she’s used to. She gasps against his mouth as she is reminded that Sai now knows both what to do and how to let himself enjoy it.</p><p>“Don’t give me a hickey,” She warns, voice low, “But, ngh, that feels good.”</p><p>In response, he stops sucking her collarbone and lightly skims his teeth across it instead which sends a shiver though her whole body. Feeling her shake underneath him causes a whole other set of responses, which result in him rolling his hips against her firm thighs. He’s hard and heavy against her and Ino gasps, arching her back to prolong the contact.</p><p>His face and shoulders drop suddenly, pressing her against the mattress. His breath is heavy on her neck when he lets out a low, frustrated groan and says, “I want to fuck you.”</p><p>Which, okay, goes straight to the pit of Ino’s stomach and she just barely tamps down on the urge to agree immediately. Instead, with a healthy dose of suspicion from their shared history, she flips them over in a single, smooth movement, pins him to the bed, and asks, “Why?”</p><p>The room is dark, but a light from the street outside gives her just enough to make out the whites of his eyes and the lean, pale lines of his face. He doesn’t try to look away when he answers her.</p><p>“Because,” he says, very calmly, reaching up to brush the bangs out of her eyes, “I almost died yesterday. And instead of feeling nothing, like I’m <em>supposed</em> – like I expected to,” He corrects at the last second, “I thought about you.”</p><p>“You thought about fucking me?’ She asks, forcing away the wave of almost-grief that wraps around her at the thought of losing him now. They’re ninja, she reminds herself. Peace or not, death is always part of the job. And she refuses to pity-fuck him. Even after everything they’ve been through.</p><p>“No.” He tells her, voice perfectly level even though she has his wrists pinned over his head and her knees on either side of his hips. His wide, dark eyes are completely guileless as he says, “I just thought about <em>you</em>.”</p><p>She kisses him. Hard. So he can’t see the tears that spring up in the corners of her eyes. <em>Damnit</em>, she curses, <em>how does he always manage to do that?</em></p><p>After a few minutes of what ends up being a pretty tame, gentle make out, he breaks her loose hold to grab her ass and pulls back far enough to tell her, “But now you’re here and I am alive and I’m realizing I would very much like to have sex with you.”</p><p>The grin Ino gives him is more than a little predatory as she checks his response for any potential red flags. Finding none, she rolls their hips together and enjoys the sound of his soft groan before saying, “Oh, <em>hell</em>, yeah!”</p><p>It’s not the best sex she’s ever had in her life – though it manages not to be the worst – but it’s the first time sex has felt like <em>progress</em>. Afterwards, Sai cleans her up carefully and presses soft promises into her skin and she actually believes him. She is beautiful, wonderful, perfect. She kisses him and holds him close and makes promises of her own.</p><p>In that quiet night, she allows herself to believe in those promises.</p><p>They just might be beautiful, wonderful, perfect. They might be the shinobi who manage to pass through the worst of it and come out the other side, breathing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Adding one more chapter because an actual ending finally came to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Next Thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Big news can also be good news.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ino does not have morning sickness, she has occasional bouts of vertigo in the early afternoon. It’s not the same thing.</p>
<p>She can’t eat eggs in the morning anymore, either. The texture’s wrong and the taste makes her nauseous. She’s retaining water like crazy. Her last period could barely be called a light spotting and her next one is a week late. Her blood pressure is all over the place…</p>
<p>Ino may not be the greatest medical ninja of her generation, but she’s not an idiot, either. She stops eating soft cheeses and mainlining eight cups of coffee a day. She starts taking a folic acid supplement with her breakfast miso. She knows the signs, but still…</p>
<p>Still, she puts it off another week.</p>
<p>At Friday night barbecue, she sticks to hot water instead of sake and Shikamaru gives her a suspicious glare. “What?” She asks, tossing her hair with all the haughtiness she can summon. “I have an early shift tomorrow.”</p>
<p>She is precisely on time for that shift. Doctors aren’t allowed to administer their own tests or submit their own blood work, so Sakura delivers the news.</p>
<p>The rest of the shift passes by in a haze. Too quickly, she’s signing out and walking home and she still doesn’t know what she’s going to tell him.</p>
<p>They talked about kids before getting married – of course they did, Ino isn’t an <em>idiot</em> – but it had always been in the abstract. They liked the <em>idea</em> of a kid somewhere in the nebulous future. After Ino had settled into one job, one division, instead of splitting her time between several. After Sai was established in the regular ANBU corps and had more say over his schedule.</p>
<p>Not right now! They were practically still newlyweds, for godssake.</p>
<p>Her thoughts are running in too many directions. She never figures out what she’s going to say. At home, in the small apartment that they’re living in until they can save up enough for a proper house, Sai is cooking a fish curry. A cup of tea is sitting on the counter in her favorite mug, still steaming.</p>
<p>She can’t even bring herself to answer his warm greeting. She drops her bags and shoes at the door, steps into the kitchen, and says, “I’m pregnant.”</p>
<p>Sai slowly turns to face her, and he isn’t frozen like she feared. He’s stunned, awe-struck, silenced. But not stiff with worry or carefully distanced. He’s very, very present. There’s a slack-jawed smile on his mouth, his eyes are crinkled in the corners and shining with…</p>
<p>“No!” Ino exclaims, “You can’t cry! If you start crying, I’ll start crying and that would just be a mess!”</p>
<p>But she’s laughing as she says it and there are already tears gathering in the corners of her vision.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to cry.” He lies, the tears already leaking down his cheeks. “It’s just… it’s a lot.”</p>
<p>“I know!” The flood is now undeniable. Ino’s sure her face is a red and swollen mess. “This is too soon! We aren’t ready for a baby! Shikamaru and Choji are going to be furious but… at the same time, I’m just so, <em>so</em>…”</p>
<p>“Deliriously happy?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” She wails, tucking her face against his shoulder at the same moment he reaches out to wrap her in a warm hug. She feels safe and cared for. Protected. The tears don’t stop. “I’m sorry!”</p>
<p>“Ino,” He pulls back just enough to kiss her forehead, cheeks damp with his own tears, and then holds her even tighter in his embrace. “Three years ago I didn’t have a name or a sense of self; I didn’t believe I was capable of experiencing emotion. Then I had a village and a purpose and a few, tentative bonds. Now, I have a <em>you</em> and a name I chose myself. We’re going to have a baby and I’m going to be able to give it all the things my brother and I deserved when we were children. How could you ever think I wanted you to apologize for that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know!” A burst of wet, overwhelmed laughter escapes her. “It’s silly to get attached now. It’s so early and so much could go wrong… but the whole walk here all I could think about was baby names and who the godparents might be.  I thought about all the stuff my dad did with me when I was growing up and how excited I was to share the same things with my own kid. Sai, we’re gonna have a baby and I’m so excited and <em>so </em>scared.”</p>
<p>He kisses her temple, admits he’s scared, too, but neither of them can stop smiling. Dinner burns while they bask in the joy and the terror together. They don’t mind.</p>
<p>Eventually, stomachs growling, they order take out and walk the long way to pick it up. Ino points out places in the village she played as a child, all the ways the world had changed and still managed to say the same. Sai asks about milestones and traditions. How will they tell their friends and welcome their child into the world; how will they make sure the infant is safe and loved always?</p>
<p>Ahead of them stretches a never-ending road of trials, heartbreaks, and joys. A million questions line the way, a million chances to succeed or fail. The stuff of life. All the while, their hearts are easy.</p>
<p>They are walking the long road together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The end! Thanks to everyone who read this far! And a special shout-out to anyone who commented on this story and motivated me to finish. It's very rad of you : )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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